


No use crying over spilled cake

by LiaoftheDawn



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, Friendship, Jealousy, M/M, Near Future, Pining, Platonic KagaTaka broship, Pre-Slash, Protect Kagami Taiga, boys being dumb, broship, kagami and takao are extremely stupid, people getting emotional about food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 01:36:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5228930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiaoftheDawn/pseuds/LiaoftheDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kazunari had made many terrible mistakes tonight. Too many to even count. And all of them had somehow lead him to his current situation: completely smashed and making out with Kagami.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No use crying over spilled cake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dontcallmekoko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontcallmekoko/gifts).



> AO3 has been such a bitch to let me post this, I've literally had to re-fill the fuckin form three times, kill me please

Kazunari had made many terrible mistakes tonight. Too many to even count. And all of them had somehow lead him to his current situation: completely smashed and making out with Kagami, who was fumbling nervously like a blushing virgin, and god was he a terrible kisser. And the worst part of it all was that he had no one but himself to blame.

* * *

The first mistake, and probably the worst of them all, was accepting the invitation to that party. What had he been thinking, he didn't know. Sure, Kuroko was his friend, and turning 20 is a momentous occasion, and objectively speaking, there was no way he could've known that everything would be so awful tonight. Maybe if he'd listened to Oha Asa this morning he would've known Scorpio was ranked last in today's horoscope and that he shouldn't have left his home at all.

But all those could'ves and should'ves were completely meaningless now. So he'd gone to the party. He'd given Kuroko a bottle of some nice  _sake_  (or as nice as his scarce salary would allow) to celebrate his entry to adulthood. Everyone was there too. The guys from Seirin, the other members of the Generation of Miracles and some of Kuroko's friends from college. It was almost ironic that so many people gathered around a person with such a small presence. There was a lot of food, booze and snacks and even a big cake, handmade by Kagami, so it was guaranteed to be amazing. The guests were in a good mood, Kuroko looked happy, everything seemed to be going smoothly.

Shin-chan was here too, and that was great because Kazunari hadn't seen him in weeks. He'd never imagined that going to different universities, even within the same city, would make it so hard to stay in touch. He should've expected it, given Shin-chan's choice for the medical field. The times when they would spend almost every breathing moment together seemed too distant now. Recently, they barely texted, and it was mostly him sending Shin-chan some texts and occasionally getting short replies. He received a non-committal "Happy birthday" message back in November, but that was as far as Shin-chan ever got in terms of initiating communication. Since they still lived in the same neighbourhood, they went together to the New Year's shrine visit, but Shin-chan got an emergency call minutes after they'd done their New Year's prayers and had to dash away. His mother had always said that "friendship is a two-way street", so if a friend doesn't seek you out, then maybe they weren't your friend after all. But Kazunari believed that rule didn't apply to Shin-chan. In spite of rarely seeing each other and almost never getting replies to his dumb text messages, Shin-chan was still his best friend. His best friend with whom he also happened to be in love with, but no one needed to know that. Especially not Shin-chan.

He'd become painfully aware of his feelings for Shin-chan some two years ago or so, after they won the Winter Cup in their third year and he felt an extremely strong urge to run into Shin-chan's arms and kiss him senseless. He'd briefly entertained the notion of confessing back then, but they would graduate in three months and really, why risk ruining their last days of highschool? It was an adolescent love and as such, it was meant to go away sooner rather than later.

Or it was  _supposed_  to, and yet here he was, two years later, still longing for emerald eyes framed by long,  _long_  eyelashes and elegant fingers and broad shoulders. Adulthood was becoming on Shin-chan. He looked more beautiful than ever, and the refined, solemn way in which he carried himself was a lot more fitting now that he was a top-of-the-class med student, rather than a snobbish high-schooler. Luckily, Kazunari was no blushing virgin, so he could perfectly handle himself, even when staring straight into the dreamy eyes of the object of his affections, and thus he'd been able to somehow maintain their friendship up until today.

But that was before factoring in all the booze. That was the second mistake. He'd somehow been talked into playing drinking games with Aomine and Kise, and before he knew it, his vision was blurry and he could barely keep himself standing. To make matters worse, apparently, getting a lot of alcohol in his blood made him lose all his inhibitions. Who would've thought?

"Nee, Shin-chaaaan… sumthin's diff'rnt 'bout you t'day, y'look really cute. Like, y're aaaalways really cute, but t'day's just like… a lot."

Shin-chan turned to look at him, scrunching his nose as if he were smelling poop. "What nonsense are you spewing now?"

Kazunari giggled. He was 46% of a masochist that loved getting rebuffed by Shin-chan, and he was about to drop his weight on Shin-chan's lap, and hopefully get a more aggressive rebuff (because Shin-chan was cute, cute,really fucking cute when he was being surly and cold and tsundere-ish), but he was interrupted.

"Shintarou, play shogi with me."

No one could have ever imagined that Akashi Seijuurou would have such incredibly low alcohol tolerance, and yet the guy had been completely smashed ever since his second beer; and he'd been spazzing between sobbing and giggling for the last two hours. It was the most ridiculous thing Takao had ever seen.

"Defeating you in your current state would be meaningless." Shin-chan replied curtly, and Takao frowned because with so much alcohol in his system, the mere fact that Shin-chan was being mean to someone else was  _wrong_.

"Like I thought, no one really likes me" Akashi sobbed, and god was he an ugly crier. "First Kouki gets mad at me for something, then Tetsuya gets mad at me for drinking because Kouki got mad at me and now Shintarou won't play with me." He sniffled loudly. "Kouki doesn't like me, Tetsuya doesn't like me, Shintarou doesn't like me, even the other me doesn't like me."

Kazunari's frown only deepened. He was feeling a little bit dizzy, but that didn't change the fact that Akashi was acting needy with Shin-chan. Being needy and pissing Shin-chan off was  _his_  job, damnit! As if it wasn't bad enough that he had to compete with Akashi in pretty much every other aspect of their lives (as a Point Guard, as a Captain, as Shin-chan's friend and even as the person sending Shin-chan the best passes). This was just unbearable.

"Shiiin-chaaan! I talked to you fiiiirst!"

Shin-chan glared at him and humphed. Kazunari's buzzed mind tingled happily.

"Shut up Takao." He said mechanically, and it felt awesome. At least until Shin-chan got up from his seat and grabbed Akashi's arm, saying something about staying there and sparing him the embarrassment and "you will be grateful tomorrow, when your sanity has returned" while he walked away with Akashi following behind, but Kazunari couldn't hear it clearly and he wasn't really sure of whom Shin-chan was speaking to. All he knew was that Shin-chan  _chose Akashi_. His head was pounding, the loud chattering of the party was driving him crazy and he was royally pissed off and heartbroken for reasons that seemed to make a lot of sense right now, although he wasn't quite sure of what those were anymore.

He fled the living room with a carton of shochuu (awful stuff), then found an open door down the hall and no one seemed to be in there, so he rushed in, shut the door behind him and tried to clear his mind and make the world stop spinning, but all he could think of was Shin-chan touching Akashi and being mean to Akashi and then being kind to Akashi and he wanted to scream. After a few minutes he heard a loud crash and curses and he decided the smartest thing to do was to stay here and drink until he passed out. A few more minutes passed and he was lying on the floor with the shochuu in hand, already one quarter of it gone when the door swung open and Kagami came stumbling inside, cursing loudly.

Takao watched with mild interest as Kagami slammed his head on the door repeatedly, cursing himself over and over before finally taking pity on the guy.

"Oi, y'alright?" he asked, tapping Kagami's shoulder.

Kagami turned to look at him. He looked flushed with alcohol, he'd probably drunk more than Kazunari had. His crimson eyes were hazy with confusion, and it seemed to take him a really long time to get his braincells to work hard enough to recognize Takao's face.

"Oh… yeah, not really, doesn't matter." He mumbled incoherently.

Kazunari studied Kagami's face. Apart from the obvious influence of alcohol, he could notice a speckle of sadness and a mix of rage and disappointment. He stared harder. Kagami had an attractive face. His jaw was strong and masculine, his eyes were fiery and intense, matching his hair, and his eyebrows gave him that weirdly alluring dangerous expression. His arms were thick and toned, his shoulders broad and dependable and Kazunari could see a drop of sweat trickling down his neck, entrancing him for a few seconds. And then another terrible idea came to his mind.

"Hey, Kagami, y're really tall, right?" he asked, although it was rhetorical.

Kagami nodded. Kazunari placed a hand on Kagami's shoulder. A little shorter than Takao would've liked. A little bit rougher too as far as the lines of his face. But none of that would matter if he closed his eyes, he figured.

"Wanna make out?"

* * *

Taiga had never truly given much thought to the concept of "first kiss". He realized it was important to a lot of people, but growing up with Alex as a teacher, he'd lost his before he could even understand why it mattered. So when he learned that this was supposed to be some sort of special thing you shared with someone you loved, he decided that he'd save his first  _given_  kiss for a special person. Giving a kiss and having one stolen from you were, after all, completely different things.

But tonight everything had gone so wrong that he'd somehow agreed to give his first kiss to Takao Kazunari of all people and fuck, if someone had told him ten years ago that one day he'd have some other dude's tongue shoved down his throat he would've never believed it and yet here he was. Everything was hot and weird and he had no fucking idea of what he was doing either. Heck, he wasn't even sure of how he'd gotten here.

* * *

It wasn't unusual to use his own house to host Kuroko's birthday party. It was well-located, spacious, and didn't have any parents or roommates that could be bothered. Besides, it was easier for him to cook for everyone and just put it all out on the table, rather than having to carry everything to some other location. And usually, after the party was over and everyone was gone, Kuroko would stay over to watch movies until they passed out on the couch. At this point, it was pretty much a tradition. And more than anything, Taiga loved doing things to make Kuroko happy.

This year he'd prepared a large feast of different canapés including 5 types of mini sandwiches, bruschettas, smoked eggs, pigs in blankets, 5 types of dumplings, cherry tomatoes filled with cheese, and vol-au-vents to name a few. He'd also baked a large vanilla and  _tres leches_  cake with a light mint coating in blue and decorated with black and white swirls of sugar. "Happy Birthday Kuroko" was written in white in the center of the cake. He'd pulled an all-nighter in the kitchen, but he was proud of his work.

He was mildly concerned about the presence of alcohol. It was the first year that any sort of drinking was allowed in Kuroko's birthday (Kuroko would  _not_  have anyone under the age of twenty drink in his presence because it was  _illegal_ , and was anyone going to contradict Kuroko? No they weren't) and Taiga knew Aomine and Kise well enough to be suspicious of their intentions. The possibilities of a disaster were way too high. But there was nothing he could do about it, just hope for the best.

Two hours into the party, everything seemed to be going fine. Murasakibara had plowed through half of the appetizers, but that was expected and calculated. Taiga had a good idea of how much food he had to make to feed himself, he just needed to double that up to make sure no one was left hungry. Aomine and Kise were, as expected, very entertained playing drinking games, but apparently they were both as concerned about ruining Kuroko's birthday as Taiga was, so they seemed to be making a genuine effort to just get a little bit tipsy and nothing else. Takao was playing with them too, and he didn't seem as sober as he should. Akashi had gotten ridiculously drunk, ridiculously fast and he'd been driving Furihata crazy for a while, but after getting rebuffed for the fiftieth time, he'd just gone to sulk to some corner whilst Momoi tried to get him to eat something so he'd sober down. Izuki-senpai was testing Hyuuga's patience with some ill-advised self-invented "pun drinking game" in which the players had to come up with a good pun in thirty seconds or drink. Except that Hyuuga was a designated driver so he couldn't drink, and Izuki had an unlimited supply of puns, so no one was really drinking. When Izuki exclaimed "Oh no, my time's almost up! Luckily, I just came up with the perfect boozer beater!", Kagami briefly feared his senpai would get thrown out of the window, but Coach and Kiyoshi-senpai were able to hold Hyuuga back and calm him down while Mitobe dragged Izuki to where Aomine and Kise were sitting so he could join their drinking games and stop pushing his luck.

"You having fun?" Taiga asked, approaching Kuroko, who was watching with amusement as Aomine lost his tenth hand of Bullshit because he was a terrible liar and gulped down a tiny sip of tequila, grimacing when the alcohol burned down his throat.

Kuroko looked up at him, big blue eyes brimming with mirth. "Yes, thank you Kagami-kun. The food is delicious too." His lips were slightly curled upwards in one of those tiny, beautiful smiles that Kagami loved.

Taiga's feelings for Kuroko were a secret to no one. He was pretty sure Kuroko himself was aware of them, but pretended not to notice so he wouldn't hurt Taiga's feelings. Apparently, his feelings were so obvious that, when Asahina and Yagi had joined the team, the first thing they'd asked him was whether he and Kuroko were dating.

" _We're not_." Kuroko had replied simply. Taiga assumed that was an indirect answer for him too, and that had been the end of it.

He was fine with that. If he could stay by Kuroko's side and make him smile like this, he didn't need anything else. They'd been able to maintain their friendship for almost five years, and he was satisfied with that.

"Oi, Tetsu, Kagami, come and play!" Aomine waved at them, his cheeks slightly flushed by the alcohol.

"You just want Kagamicchi in because he's as bad a liar as you!" Kise accused with a smirk.

"OI!" Kagami and Aomine snapped instantly.

Kuroko chuckled, and Kagami's chest felt warm. "Sorry, Aomine-kun, I'm afraid I'll pass." Kuroko said, and he genuinely looked like he was enjoying himself.

"Ah, I think it's about time I get the cake out." Kagami mused, ignoring the invitation. He didn't want to admit it, but Kise was probably right about his lying skills.

He went to the kitchen and unlocked the fridge (a preemptive measure in case Murasakibara decided he wasn't getting enough sugar in his system). He pulled the cake out, it was perfect. He was pretty proud of himself and was sure Kuroko would love it.

He stepped out of the kitchen and into the living room and everyone "ooh'ed" when they saw the cake.

"No way, Kagami-kun, did you do this yourself?" Coach asked him with stars in her eyes.

"Yeah." He replied simply, smiling a little with pride.

"As expected of Kagami, you really are the real deal when it comes to food."

"Kagamin you have to teach me!"

He felt his cheeks burn a little with the praise. It always made him happy to know others enjoyed his cooking. He glanced up and grinned at Kuroko, who looked delighted.

"You didn't have to go through all that trouble, Kagami-kun."

Taiga grinned. "No trouble at all, that's what friends are for." He replied.

Kuroko's smile grew just the tiniest little bit and Taiga's heart leapt in his chest. But, apparently, luck was not on his side tonight. He was so mesmerized he didn't notice he was walking straight into the coffee table until he had crashed face first into the table, the cake flying from his hands and smashing against the floor.

"Aw, c'mon, what the heck  _Bakagami_."

Taiga lifted his gaze in panic to find the product of his night-long baking completely ruined and unedible.

"Shit." He cursed, pushing himself back up and rushing to the disaster area, hopelessly trying to see if there was anything salvageable, even when he knew it was useless. Not only was the floor a horrible mess, but the cake was a complete loss. He'd tried so hard to make something Kuroko would love and he'd ruined it because he was an irredeemable idiot. He wanted to cry. He wanted to look at Kuroko, but he could imagine the disappointment in his face and he couldn't face it right now. "I'm so sorry, Kuroko, I can't believe I'm so stupid. I-I… I think I can make something else if you give an hour or two but…"

He felt a small hand softly placed on his shoulder. "It's okay, Kagami-kun, you've already done a lot, don't worry." Kuroko's soft, soothing voice came from very close to his ear and it made Taiga want to cry even more.

"Wait, no, there's no way we'll just let Tetsu become an adult without a proper cake!" Aomine interrupted. He sounded a little bit more sober now. "Give me five minutes." He said and he dashed out the door

Five minutes later, Kagami wasn't nearly done cleaning the remnants of the failed cake from the floor, even with everyone else helping with it, and Aomine returned wearing a triumphant grin.

"It's not Bakagami's gourmet thing, but it's something you like, I guess." He said, handing Kuroko a wrapped  _tamago mushipan_  with the Family Mart logo on the package. "Ah, but of course we have to put the extra magic to make it work." He added, unwrapping the pastry and placing it on the table. He then pulled out a tube of liquid chocolate and used it to scribble "HBD Tetsu" on top of the bread. Everyone oh'ed and Kuroko laughed and Taiga knew he should be glad they had somehow fixed the disaster, but instead he just wanted to cry even more than before.

Because this always happened when it came to Aomine and Kuroko. Taiga had no doubts that his bond with Kuroko was strong, but for some reason, it always seemed to pale in comparison to the one Kuroko had with Aomine. They seemed to have a sort of secret understanding, sometimes it even felt like they could communicate without words. And Aomine could always put a smile on Kuroko's face. Every time something like this happened, he felt like he was never good enough. Kuroko was definitely his best friend, but he wasn't really sure that he was Kuroko's. He knew it was a ridiculous and childish thing to agonize about, but he really couldn't help it.

After everyone sang the "happy birthday" song and Kuroko proceeded to eat the 103 yen makeshift cake, Taiga decided he wanted to disappear. He grabbed a bottle of beer and chugged it down in three large gulps. He'd never been much of a drinker, but he wanted to stop thinking stupid things. After gulping down two more bottles, he decided he wanted to lock himself in his room, but when he took the first step, everything started spinning. It briefly crossed his mind that maybe he'd been taking little sips and shots of this and that without really getting to eat anything all night and he groaned in frustration. Locking himself away to sober up and prevent doing something that would upset Kuroko seemed like the best option. He'd already ruined enough shit.

The door to his bedroom was closed, and his uncoordinated fingers had to fumble with the knob a little to open it. Once he'd shut it closed again, he slammed his head against the wooden surface repeatedly, which of course did nothing to help his growing headache.

"Oi, y'alright?" someone asked, tapping his shoulder. He turned around to find Takao, his cheeks flushed and his eyes cloudy, probably as inebriated as he was.

"Oh… yeah, not really, doesn't matter." He replied, clumsily. Even if Takao was as smashed as he was, he didn't want to admit that he was on the verge of tears due to some dumb jealousy and a ruined cake.

Takao hummed and stared at him, as if he were trying to read past his less than eloquent thoughts. Taiga fidgeted and considered to transfer his sulking to the bathroom or somewhere else away from Takao's inquisitive eyes.

"Hey, Kagami, y're really tall, right?" Takao suddenly asked

Taiga nodded, confused and he started noticing that Takao was getting too close into his personal space.

"Wanna make out?"

"Eh?!"

The question took him completely aback. He had definitely not seen that coming at all. Of all the people in the world, it would've never crossed his mind that Takao would have those kinds of feelings for him.

"I said, do-you-wanna-make-out." Takao repeated with a cheeky smirk.

"Uh… uhh…" he searched his brain for an answer. "I, uh… I'm sorry I don't really see you that way." He managed to reply finally.

Takao blinked at him twice and then burst out laughing. "Oh my god, you're really a treasure bwahahaha." He bent over and clutched his stomach. "I always thought the whole 'Kagami's really pure' thing was just a joke between you guys" he continued, wiping a non-existent tear from the corner of his eye. "Oh god, 'I don't see you that way', wahahaha".

Taiga frowned. He didn't really understand, but he was sure Takao was laughing at him. "Oi! What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just Kagami's more innocent than expected." Takao let out a few more chuckles, his face now glowing with mirth. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't really see you that way either."

Now Taiga was confused.

"Then why'd you want to m-m-m-make o-o-o-out?" he asked, his ears burning with embarrassment.

Takao started laughing again, loud and annoying. "Well, I'm sad, you're sad, we're both smashed and no one's watching, so what gives? Just two healthy, single young men blowing off some steam." He replied nonchalantly. "It feels good and helps you forget about the shit that made you sad in the first place. We probably won't even remember come morning, and even if we do, we can just blame the booze." He assured, once again closing in on Taiga's personal space. "So? Whatcha say?"

Taiga gulped. Takao was very short. Not as short as Kuroko, but still pretty short. He had a lithe frame, his skin was pale and his eyes were a clear, silver-blue, although not half as innocent and big as Kuroko's. But if he closed his eyes, maybe none of that would matter? He swallowed hard again.

"O-okay."

Takao grinned and stepped in even closer, his hands bunching over the collar of Taiga's neck to pull him down. Taiga didn't really know what he was supposed to do, so he just went along with it and closed his eyes, and instants later, he could feel the pressure of another mouth against his own. He'd never actually kissed anyone willingly before, so he didn't know what to do, and he stood still, hoping Takao would take the lead. Luckily, Takao seemed to read his mind and pulled him in closer still before he started to move his lips. Taiga tried to somehow match that movement, but he was very aware that he was failing miserably and the whole thing was kind of awkward.

After a few more seconds of really unsuccessful lip-locking, Takao pulled apart. Taiga didn't even want to look at him. This night was going so bad for him he couldn't even do stupid drunk things without screwing it all up.

"I'm sorry I…"

Takao giggled. "It's okay, it's okay." He waved his hand dismissively. "You're just even purer than I thought, I almost feel bad for defiling you."

Taiga's brow furrowed. He was getting really annoyed with Takao making fun of his "purity", but he found there wasn't much he could object given his lack of experience.

"Sorry, sorry, let's try that again. Don't overthink it, that's the whole point of being drunk, just go with the flow."

Before Kagami could process anything, Takao was once again standing mere inches away and his arms had encircled Taiga's neck to pull him down into another kiss. Kagami didn't know what to do with his hands, but he found it very easy and natural to let them rest on Takao's hips. Takao seemed pleased by this and hummed into the kiss. He then parted his lips and Taiga just copied that motion, allowing Takao's tongue into his mouth. He knew that maybe he should be at least a little grossed out from having someone else's tongue and spit in his mouth –and he could taste the alcohol in Takao's breath-, but he decided to follow Takao's advice and stop thinking. He pulled Takao closer by the hips and attempted to meet the movements of Takao's tongue with his own. His heart was starting to beat way too fast and he felt his face burning.

When he felt himself going out of breathe he pulled away, still holding Takao steadily. He was able to take a few shallow breathes before Takao pulled him down for another kiss,and this time he didn't even wait to shove his tongue into Taiga's mouth, almost as if he wanted to steal the little oxygen he had managed to obtain. Taiga moaned into the kiss. Takao obviously knew what he was doing, which wasn't really surprising considering how popular he seemed to be with men and women alike. Taiga was aware of how spectacularly incompetent he was in this department, but he couldn't deny that Takao's expertise was making it a lot more pleasant than expected.

Taiga wasn't really sure of how many times they'd kissed now, but he knew he wasn't getting enough oxygen and that his head was spinning even worse than when it was just the alcohol making him confused. Takao's body was flush against his, he could almost feel his accelerated heartbeat and uneven breathing. The heat was rapidly rising to his head and he felt his grip on Taka's hips tighten.

Slowly, one of Takao's hands untangled itself from Kagami's neck and traveled down his chest until it found the front of his pants and squeezed him through the clothing. Kagami yelped and broke the kiss.

"O-o-oi!"

Takao quirked an eyebrow. His face was flushed pink and his eyes were glazed over. Taiga wasn't sure if that was lust or the alcohol, or maybe both. His lips were red and wet, which made Taiga awfully self-conscious about what they were doing.

After a moment of weird silence, Takao sighed.

Taiga looked away, embarrassed. "S-s-sorry."

"Nah, 's fine. There's a fine line between 'haha remember that time when we were drunk and made out' and 'let's just never talk about that time we were drunk and fucked', it'd be bad to cross it."

Taiga nodded. "Is… is m-m-m-making out even g-g-g-good for you? I… I-I mean, I know I'm t-t-terrible." He stuttered. Now that the tiny spark of stupidity had dissipated, this all felt weird and ridiculous.

Takao started laughing again. Taiga wanted to hit him. "Well, the first step to solve a problem is admitting you have one." He was clutching his stomach again. No wonder Midorima had so little patience for this guy. "So yeah, you're kinda terrible. But it's fine, it's fine. It's kinda cute."

"OI! I don't wanna hear that from you!"

"Heeh? Whatever you mean by that?" Takao asked with a mischievous grin. "You think I'm cute or something?"

He harrumphed, frustrated. "Well, I guess so. I-I mean just because I don't have… feelings for you doesn't mean I don't recognize that s-s-sort of thing."

"Aww, that's so sweet! Y're actually tryin' to make me kiss you again, aren't you?"

Taiga's face went dark red really fast and he took an instinctive step backwards.

Takao continued giggling and reached for a carton of alcohol that was lying on the floor. "Man, you're a total riot." He took a swig directly from the carton and sat on the edge of his bed. "Got a new idea for you. Y'hear me complain 'bout Shin-chan n'I'll hear  _aaaall_  your complaints 'bout Kuroko'n Aomine. And then we get really drunk. How's that sound?"

Kagami didn't even waste time wondering how Takao knew the reason he was so wrecked was related to Kuroko and Aomine. He had some reservations, but the idea sounded like it made at least a little bit of sense (definitely more sense than kissing just for the heck of it), and he really wanted to get his mind distracted and/or even more drunk so he wouldn't start thinking of the things that had gotten him smashed in the first place. "'kay, sounds good." He replied, and before joining Takao on the bed he went to fetch a bottle of actual sake he had stashed in the back of his closet. Tatsuya had given it to him some time ago and he figured it was as good a time as ever to pop it open. Takao's eyes widened and sparkled when they found the bottle

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!" he chirped merrily. "C'mon, c'mon!" he patted the spot next to him on the bed, bouncing with excitement.

"Ah, should I bring some glasses?" Taiga asked, suddenly concerned about drinking straight from the bottle.

Takao snickered. "My dear friend, I just shoved my tongue down your throat and now you're worried about indirect kisses? You're a real treasure."

Kagami felt his face burning once again and looked away. He told himself that he wouldn't go for glasses because he'd probably run into Kuroko if he left the room, and that it had nothing to do with proving himself and shutting Takao up. Takao reached out to steal the bottle from his hands, putting his own carton away and popping the bottle open before taking a long gulp. "Gyaaaa, this's the real stuff! This's gonna get real fun real soon!"

Takao passed him the bottle and he mimicked the action. The taste was strong but a little bit sweet, definitely much better than most of the stuff everyone else was drinking outside.

"Maybe if I'd bought Kuroko some sake everything would've turned out fine." He mused bitterly.

"Oh, I see, so you start." Takao commented and when Kagami turned to look at him, he saw he was lying on his stomach, his elbows propped on the mattress and his chin leaning on the palms of his hands, glancing up at Taiga with sparkling interest and amusement. "Go ahead, go ahead."

Taiga sighed and took another swig from the bottle.

* * *

"Kuroko, have you seen Takao?"

Almost everyone had gone back home. Tetsuya turned to find Midorima glancing at him, his arms crossed over his chest.

"No, I think I haven't seen him in a while." He replied. There had been a lot of guests today, so he hadn't really kept track of the comings and goings of everyone. "Have you seen Kagami-kun?" he'd lost sight of his best friend at some point after eating the  _tamago mushipan_  and every time he'd tried to find him, he'd been dragged aside by someone. Before he knew it, the party was over and he hadn't seen Kagami-kun in hours.

"I believe he went down that hallway." Midorima answered, pointing. "Are you sure Takao did not leave with any of the designated drivers already? I am supposed to drive him home, but I am unable to find him."

Midorima-kun looked concerned, he observed. "I thought you'd make him pull you on the bicycle." He commented as he walked down the hall. Maybe Kagami-kun had gone to sleep.

"Not in the state he is in." was the curt reply, and Tetsuya remembered that Takao looked pretty buzzed the last time he saw him.

They reached the door to Kagami's room and Kuroko immediately heard grunts and giggles coming from the inside. He frowned and pushed the door open. His blue eyes widened when he found Takao and Kagami splayed on Kagami's large bed. A carton of alcohol was lying on the floor and Kagami was hugging a bottle of sake.

"—like I said, Shin-chan shouldn' be mean t'anyone else. Jus' me." Takao drawled giggling.

"Y're r'lly fucked up, y'know that?" Kagami replied tiredly.

Before he could say a word, he saw Midorima-kun stomping into the room, grabbing Takao by the arm and yanking him away from the bed.

"Aaahh Shin-chan came t'pick me up! Did I say Shin-chan's r'lly cute tonigh'?" Takao continued giggling. "Bye bye Kagami! Happy bir'day Kuroko!" he squeaked before Midorima excused them and dragged him away.

Once he heard the apartment door click closed, Kuroko entered the room and shut the door. "Kagami-kun? Are you alright?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Kagami looked up at him, his fiery eyes glazed and foggy. "Aahhh, Kuroko… eh… wassup?"

Obviously, drunk Kagami did not share Takao's unabashed merriment. "You disappeared for hours. I got worried." He replied, gently prying the almost empty bottle of sake from Kagami's hands.

Kagami hid his face with the back of his hand. "'m real sorry Kuroko, I messed everythin' up."

Tetsuya sighed and pulled Kagami's arm gently to get him to sit up. "You didn't mess anything, Kagami-kun, it was a very fun party and the food was delicious." He continued, slowly undoing Kagami's belt buckle. It would be too uncomfortable for Kagami-kun to sleep with that belt and the jeans would get creases if he slept on them.

"But I tot'lly destroyed the cake. If not for Aomine it would've all been ruined." Kagami wailed, allowing Kuroko to manhandle him out of his clothes. "I-I… I r'lly wanted to give you sumthin you'd love an' then…" small tears started pooling at the corners of his warm eyes. Kuroko smiled and wiped them away with his thumb.

"Kagami-kun's cake was very delicious." He said simply. "I did love it."

Kagami frowned as he took off is button-up, which left him in just his boxers and a sleeveless white shirt. He'd have to do with that for tonight. "Dun' lie for my feelin's. 't was completely destroyed, y' couldn've tasted it."

"There was a small portion smeared on the plate. Like I said, it was delicious. I hope Kagami-kun can bake more of it some other time." He pulled back the covers and nudged Kagami to lie down so he could tuck him in.

Kagami hummed. "I'll do anythin' Kuroko wants." He said drowsily. "Y'stayin' over?"

"The trains have long stopped running, so I guess I am." Tetsuya said as he finished folding Kagami's discarded clothes.

"Good." Was the last thing Kagami mumbled before falling asleep.

It took Tetsuya a few more minutes to take the dirty clothes to the laundry room and change into his sleep wear (he had one set of pajamas in Kagami-kun's closet, he did stay over quite often after all). Once he was done with that, he turned off all the lights and finally snuggled into bed to be instantly pulled into Kagami's embrace. He could feel Kagami's warm breath against his ear.

"r'lly hope Kuroko likes th' cake…" Kagami mumbled in his sleep.

Tetsuya chuckled. Kagami-kun was truly an idiot.

* * *

Drunk Takao was one of the worst things Shintarou had ever had the displeasure of experiencing, so it was quite fortunate that the "worst thing" in question had passed out the moment he'd pushed him into the car.

Getting him out of the car once they reached Takao's home was slightly more challenging, but Takao had never been too heavy, so even as dead weight he wasn't too much of a hassle. Once he'd managed to drape Takao's legs around his waist and his arms around his neck, picking him up wasn't very difficult. Shintarou reached into his pocket to find his spare key, which Takao had given him three years ago, one day in which his lucky item had been a key. Shintarou had insisted that he had his own set of keys and didn't need to borrow a new one, but Takao had just grinned and said " _Scorpio has best luck today, so maybe my key will make your luck better_." In the end he'd accepted and kept it until now.

Takao was mumbling a lot of nonsense in his drunken stupor, but Shintarou didn't pay him any mind. He noticed the kitchen light was on and saw the figure of Takao's sister standing near the counter.

"Oh, Shin-nii!" she exclaimed, then covered her mouth when she noticed her brother was sleeping. "Long time no see." She whispered with a smile that looked just like her brother's. "Thanks for always taking care of my useless Big Bro."

"Kazuha, only Shin-chan can be mean to me, y'know that." Takao mumbled against the back of Shintarou's head, his breathe ticking the hairs of his nape.

"I'm sorry that he's such a handful."

He allowed himself to smile back at her. "It's alright. Nothing I could not handle." He replied fondly. He omitted the part in which he was aware of how much of a handful  _he_  was, so maybe handling each other all these years just made sense for them. "Good night, Kazuha-san." He added before climbing up the stairs towards Takao's bedroom.

Once they were inside, he dropped Takao on the bed and nudged him to take off his clothes.

"But r'lly Shin-chan, y' can't be kind to Akashi. Or mean. Jus' me. Be kind to me only. 'n also mean. Geddit?" Takao blabbered, and he probably had some good muscle memory because he was able to undress and tuck himself into bed without much help from Shintarou, who was really fighting the urge to smack him for all of that nonsense.

"Y've to be very kind to me. 'n very mean. Always." Takao continued.

"Good night, Takao." He whispered.

"G'night Shin-chan. I r'lly, r'lly love you a lot." He giggled before finally falling asleep.

Shintarou sighed and pushed a few strands of inky black hair away from Takao's face. Before he left the room he turned around to take one last glance at Takao's peaceful smile and huffed.

"Say that when you're sober, you fool."

**Author's Note:**

> This is the story that made me cry about cake because I'm lame.
> 
> This is a super belated birthday gift/request for Okomo (even if dumb AO3 won't let me tag you) who wanted weird drunk KagaTaka with unrequited Kagakuro/Midotaka feelings (but because I'm trash I had to make them secretly requited). I really hope this was what you wanted.
> 
> It's really hard to write drunk people because I'm not really sure about how to make drunk people speak. But I loved writing needy masochist Kazu. Someone please protect Kagami, he's too pure for this world.
> 
> (also, Kouki was mad at Akashi because Akashi had an extreme jealousy fit over something really dumb, but they made up the next morning when Akashi was sober again)
> 
> (also, at some point during the party, Aomine and Kise ended up making out on the couch)
> 
> Tamago mushipan is amazing, if you ever go to Japan you have to eat it, it's really fucking amazing and cheap.
> 
> Hope everyone liked this dumb story, please let me know what you think.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [По испорченному торту не плачут](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783466) by [SollyDoll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SollyDoll/pseuds/SollyDoll)




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